Theme: I am the freak.Yip, I’m the featured freak this week. The emotional freak! The blubbering freak! Its how I feel.
I’ve had a terrible week. A week I won’t soon forget. With all the changes in our lives at the moment, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and completely out of my depth.
Kaylin (my youngest) started a new class, new teacher, and new friends and every morning she howls like a banshee and clings to my shirt or pants like I’m going to desert her forever. She is such a drama queen, o woe is me is her motto and she knows exactly how to push my buttons to upset me. The teacher says the minute I’m out the front door of the school getting in to my car, she stops crying and quite happily goes about playing with her mates and the daily routine.
Megan (my eldest) started primary school and so it’s very emotional for both of us. Megan is anxious and shy to make new friends and I’m anxious that she’ll fit in and be bold enough to stand up for herself and fight off the bullies. It’s a mum’s prerogative to worry about these things and it’s a lioness’s job to protect her cubs. It’s the way the world works.
She loves her new class, her new teacher and is very slowly making bonds with a couple of her classmates. After school she goes to after care (because I’m a working mum). School finishes at 1pm and then she goes to after –care until 4pm when I collect her.
Yesterday, on her second day, when I collected her from after-care I could see that she was upset. She didn’t open up to me until we were in the car. She told me that all the girls were punished all afternoon because some of the older girls had gone into the bathrooms and toilet papered the ceiling. No one owned up, so all the girls were punished. She didn’t think this was at all fair.
She said the girls had to sit on the lunch benches (no play) and didn’t get afternoon cookies and tea. Megan also mentioned that the teacher that punished them said if no one owns up to the mess today that the same punishment would apply the following day.
My heart went out to her immediately and then I lost it! I was livid!
What fekking army was that teacher trying to whip into shape? She’s dealing with kids for feks sake!
It’s Megan’s second day at primary school, her second day at after-care. Everything and everyone is strange to her. She’s feeling intimidated by the older children and not confident enough yet to be her usual out-spoken self. She’s out of her comfort zone and THAT’S how you treat my child? You instil fear in her - so that she feels scared to even ask the teachers to remind her where the toilets are.
What kind of monster punishes a child by withholding food and drink? That’s just mean. I don’t pay a small for basic needs to be taken away from her.
My first reaction was to pounce and I pounced. I got on the phone to the after-care co-owner and let her have it. I was angry, emotional and completely heart-broken. Yes, I over-reacted and told her that she’s running a concentration camp. I told her that next she’d have them sitting on their hands like true POW style. I told her that I felt like taking Megan out of her after-care and finding a suitable school that will have the smaller children in mind. I told her to imagine herself as Megan – I told her to imagine how scared she was.
I told her that I wanted her transition into big school a smooth as possible and as positive as possible. I didn’t want any negative memories for her to hold on to for the rest of her life. She’s at the age now where she will remember things way into her old age. She is impressionable, she is trusting, and she’s only 6!
The principal’s response was that I need to understand they need to “lay down the law” in the first few weeks because some of them can get out of hand. I said “Lay down the law? Are you cultivating an army or are you running an after-care?”. Yes, I know what you’re thinking.....over-protective emotional mother.
I really believe that the punishment was rather harsh for the new Grade One children. Why eliminate who it wasn’t first of all – and punish the rest for a while. But you don’t take away their snacks and juice. Geezo why don’t you tie them to the chair leg while you’re at it?? I told her that she should remember the impact she has on the children.
On top of this fiasco, our ball of fluff is causing chaos in our home, the girls won’t stop picking her up and swinging her around like a helicopter. It’s just sad. I think I may have made a mistake and that they are not ready for the responsibility of a baby pet. Perhaps my timing was off with this decision.
Not only am had I stressed, tired, grumpy, emotional at home. Yesterday at work, were we asked in our Sales Meeting to share 3 personal goals and 3 business goals with the team? The majority of them said they want to maintain a healthier lifestyle, make more money, spend more time with friends and family etc. The usual...when it came to me I said “Everyone else has said they want more this and more that. I don’t want more of anything!” I said that I wanted to count my blessing everyday and be grateful for the awesome things I already do have. I don’t want anything more. I have everything I want. I have everything I need.
I found verbalising how I was feeling inside was incredibly emotional and powerful for me and I promptly burst into tears in front of everyone. Not just a single tear trickling down my cheek – the ugly cry. Yes, folks the uncontrollably sobbing. Now, as I work with a bunch of women, we all started howling. Each one of us is either pre-menstrual, pre-menopausal or full blown menopausal - It was a regular weeping fest.
So there you have it - I’m an emotional freak. My rollercoaster of emotions this week has left me mentally and physically exhausted.
Just as well I didn’t have internet access or I probably would’ve googled some medical term for my irrational behaviour and found out that I have some rare mental illness.
“Oh woe is me!”
I need a hug.