I dropped my youngest Aspies child at pre-school this morning and my heart shattered in a thousand pieces...
Kaylin who has just turned 5 on Sunday, is quickly following in her sister's foot-steps when it comes to what she thinks is cool, what she wears, how she acts.
Now, my eldest is a out-and-out tom-boy and takes great pride in the fact that she loves everything to do with boys - from the way they cut their hair, the games they play, the clothes they wear, the TV programmes they watch, och just about everything that a boy would be labeled to do... She hasn't worn a dress since she was 2 and that was only for a wedding and I had to bribe her to wear it.
So, back to Kaylin. She has fast become more and more tom-boyish in the last couple of years, looking up to her big sister and watching what she does. She loves to mimic her big sister and has only ever known a very boyish older sister to look up to. Kaylin used to love dresses and dolls... Oh, don't get me wrong she still loves her dolls and dresses up as "Mummy" in her dresses, heels, jewelry and loves her handbags etc. BUT it isn't day-to-day wear for her. She sees it only to be used in roleplay dress up (at least she will still wear it).
I've always believed that a child needs to have the freedom to be who they want to be. To be unique, to be an individual and that includes wearing what they want to (as long as THEY are happy - thats my motto). I've put up with her wearing two different shoes to school for nearly a year. I've put up with wellies in the blistering heat. I've put up with her wanting to wear her favourite jeans that have huge holes in them for 3 days in a row, och you name it.
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| Our Wee Kaylin. Always Smiling... |
This morning she was so very chuffed she dressed herself! She put on a yellow Scooby doo T-shirt, a pair of bright green and fuchsia board shorts, boys flip flops and ripped out the pony tail I put in her hair - no knickers! Fuck it - she was as happy as a pig in shite! I didn't fight. I actually praised her for getting ready without me even asking...sometimes my eldest can't even manage this...
Off we go to school in a good mood ready to start the day and Kaylin, eager to see her wee pals. The minutes she walks in the door her wee girlfriends call her. "Kaylin! Yaaaaaay!" and she beams with happiness. She runs towards the two little girl-friends, who always wear frills and barbie brands....and the one of the little Prissy Misses points to Kaylin, sniggers behind her hand and says to the other little girlie-girl "KAYLIN'S A BOY!"
My heart broke for her.
I could see on her face that Kaylin was hurt.
Then Kaylin got angry!
She yelled at them "I'm NOT a boy!!! I"M NOT A BOY!!" going red in the face.
Of course Mummy Bear stepped in to defend her BABY BEAR immediately!
I told those two wee lassies that the should be ashamed of themselves because it is very nasty and ugly to tease a friend for what she wears. That, just because her favourite colour is NOT pink and that she doesn't like skirts and dresses, does NOT mean that she's a boy. I asked if they would like to be teased for being different? I could've gone on forever but they looked at me with startled big eyes...
Then I backed away.
I got down and gave Kaylin a huge hug and told her that she shouldn't listen to anyone who teases her. I told her that she is just perfect the way that she is.
I wanted to scoop my baby up into my arms and hide her away and protect her from those two little bitches!!!
But she needs to fight her own way in life. I'm not doing her any favours by stepping in and making a scene that only a red-headed feisty Scots mum can make.
Och, but sometimes a Mummy Bear has gotta do what a Mummy Bear's gotta do, right?
Tomorrow all will be forgiven between all three of them. I'll be the one who still ponders it all and worries about it. I'll be the one who struggles with my little girls that are so different from the other little girls at school. My girls are happy just being themselves and I want to let them be who they feel comfortable being.