• George Michael and his Last Christmas is just so old and dreary - just like most of the 80s.
• Squealing Mariah’s All I Want for Christmas Is You was simply a boob - just like her augmented chest.
• I’m dreaming of a Whiiiiite Creeesstmaaaas. Bing Crosby is dead peeps! What kinda name is Bing anyway?
• Do They Know Its Christmas?. Bob Geldof is a bit of a nutter at the best of times - who in their right mind, names their daughter “Peaches”? This song is been murdered repeatedly at Christmas. I really do care about feeding the world, but someone should put the Band Aid over Bob’s oral cavity for good.
This year we should be rockin’ it out at Carols by Candlelight with Achmed the Dead Terrorist’s "Jingle Bombs" or "Hey Santa Claus" Kevin Bloody Wilson - you know, stuff that makes us cheery and jolly, not stuff that has a mind-numbing affect and puts us into a light coma.
May the songwriters of the world unite and give us the gift of new-fangled funky toonz this festive season.