How To Shower Like a Woman
- Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
- Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
- If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas in case he wants to grope you.
- Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.
- Get in the shower.
- Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
- Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
- Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
- Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
- Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
- Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
- Rinse conditioner off hair.
- Shave armpits and legs.
- Turn off shower.
- Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
- Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
- Get out of shower.
- Dry with towel the size of a small country.
- Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
- Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
- If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
- Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
- Scratch yer crotch.
- Walk naked to the bathroom, cocking yer leg to crack a loud stanky fart.
- If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
- Look at your manly physique in the mirror and flex yer biceps.
- Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
- Get in the shower.
- Wash your face.
- Wash your armpits.
- Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
- Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Try and squeeze out another one.
- Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
- Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
- Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohican - Pee.
- Partially dry off.
- Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
- Admire willy size in mirror again.
- Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
- Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
- If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
- Throw wet towel on bed.